It is simple, really. Intend to live the life your heart and Source desire, have faith that you are stronger than the world believes, then live that intention. Simple, really, but not so simple for many of us.
“Uncover your heart,” Teacher whispers. “It is time to dissolve the programming of the Ego mind.”
What? But I don’t really need to ask. I know by now. The programming of the Ego mind is what I call the “shoulda’s of the REAL world,” the world that binds us to the 3D. That 3D world is fading away, I am told. The 3D into the 4D, now dissolving into the 5D. The levels peeling away like the skins of an onion. It is time for the Now Moment of the Universal Heart and the healing process it allows.
Shrek said Ogres are like onions. We, also, are layered like an onion, each thin skin covering another thin skin until, eventually, our heart is uncovered — our essence, our Souls.
It is time to make the Impossible Possible. It is time to be healed, my friends. It is time to make our dreams come true.
When you are being led by something in your soul, something that holds no definition in the real world, it will not stop calling out to you until you heed its call. That call feels as if you are being called by a Higher Power; that is because it is the truth. Accept that guidance. Follow your heart. It is the key to that kingdom within you wherein your Truth thrives.
It is difficult to write this; I have not taken to writing my deepest thoughts for a very long time because my focus has been on the physical path onto which I have been guided. At one time, the Dragonfly was my focus, my teacher, my guide. Once I took to the road, my guidance was all around me, in the three ravens that followed my travels, many times guiding my thoughts; it was in the weather that stirred up a storm when I took a wrong turn, then calmed when I turned back onto the correct road; it was in the eagle feathers that were placed in my path at the appropriate time to become another breadcrumb; it was in the interwoven olive trees that gave us shade, their plump fruits hanging off the branches of the female tree; it was in the lone black dragonfly in the desert symbolizing the blessing we had offered for the memory of a child taken too soon by a misguided man; it was in the lone elk standing proud in his being to welcome us to his land; it was in the flowers dotting the desert where they should not have been growing.
Along the way, I bid farewell to a part of me that could no longer serve me, a part of me stuck in an existence weighed heavy by the matrix all around. With heart-wrenching tears, I learned to study that part of myself that could no longer serve me and discard much of it. I recovered the beloved being within me and found my way back onto the path, the path back to the Essence of my Creator.
I recalibrated my energy, and resumed my journey. Then I lost my way. The signs and symbols guiding me became muddled. I still do not understand, but I have a strong faith in my belief that my Guidance is Divine. Still, I trudge through. Maybe I took a wrong turn, maybe the Guidance was misunderstood, maybe the road I was on took a detour because of delayed construction? Still, I trudge through.
Now is not the time to wallow in the mud of “What if.” Now is the time to grow stronger in our faith in the Higher Power that holds us in the palm of His hands. When confusion reigns supreme, the time is ripe for new connections and new realities to take root.
I am like that lone poppy plant flowering along the arid Arizona highway, thriving off the minuscule atoms of water that help my seeds develop and blossom. As my heart reaches out for direction from above, I grow in my individuality, a blossom among thorns. I am strong. I am invincible.
For you, my friends, I write this to encourage your own travels, your own path to the Creator Essence. In my absence, some of you have discovered your own Higher Power direction. Some of you have taken to the path that burns in your soul. I congratulate you. I thank you. I welcome you to this reality into which we have chosen to develop.
Grow strong in that truth that burns in your heart. Take it on a journey within to reveal its essence. Become your own misplaced poppy plant and take root where the wind has dropped you. Please write to me and share your own journey. I would love to hear about what you have been doing to bless the burning fire within your soul.
“Row, row, row, your boat, gently down the stream,” the old childhood song played. “… merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.”
In my schooldays, this song was a regular chorus round that tested each singer’s ability to stay in tune while singing just a step ahead of or behind, another singer. But, today, that last line made me stop.
“Life is but a dream?” What esoteric wisdom has been given to us as children? Reminds me of Billy Joel’s River of Dreams…
And I’ve been searching for something
Taken out of my soul
Something I would never lose
Something somebody stole
El Juglador got to thinking, too.
“Imagine a droplet of water living as one of a Great River meandering through a vast countryside,” he said. “Gently, the river moves over sandy banks, between rocky cliffs, over smooth river boulders, but always the droplets remain near each other, like a family, never knowing anything but together.
“I imagine that when the river meets a waterfall, just over the edge, the droplets separate, some falling faster than others, some being blown distant by a passing gust of wind. As they fall, the droplets, who have lost their sense of self after being part of something greater, suddenly experience a separation from the family, floating and falling alone, experiencing the exhilaration and possible fear of the fall until the crash at the bottom, where the drops land unscathed to flow again down the river with the family.”
I remember when he mentioned this before, his belief that life is like a river. This song brought up the memory once again, and we both drifted off in thought. He pulled out his flute. I opened my laptop.
What if we are each like a drop of water? After all, we are practically all water ourselves. What if, as the song says, this reality we imagine is really just a dream? That 9-to-5, only a routine. That search for the perfect mate, really only a search for the comfortable family of the river, where we were one of many, never alone, never rejected.
Sometimes, water remains united, as in a chunk of ice left over from the winter before. When the warm spring rains come, the ice thaws and weakens and, when it hits a boulder or the hull of a speeding boat, the ice breaks apart. The water droplets, however, are never far from each other. Cohesion draws water to water, even fighting forces of gravity and wind with just the simple force of desire, never separating too far from the mass of the familial comfort that is the River of Home. What if this life we’re living is the drops of water falling off the cliff?
We are never too far from the moment of cohesion, but, as we fall, we are separated. Although the distance is only the empty space and the rush of the fall, we can’t remember that meandering river where we originated or the peaceful Home where we know we are returning eventually. We have become so enmeshed in the reality of our waterfall experience that we forget what it’s like to be part of the family of the River.
That moment of separation is when we humans need the power of faith most, that belief in one, unifying force that reminds us of the meandering river we used to call Home. The belief in the one God of the Great River of life is our only common denominator, many times.
What if God is that for which we search? Maybe that’s the reason we seek out relationships, why we swarm to social media and water-cooler friendships at work? Maybe that’s the reason we feel alone as we crash down to the blaring music of the roar of the waterfall?
I wish that, in lieu of the incessant bombardment of sexual propaganda and racial separation we get in our society, we were, instead, constantly reminded of ourselves as just one part of a falling river looking for the way home. Frozen in fear as we fall, we build our own sense of separation. In this reality of superficiality, we judge with our eyes in a racism that goes beyond the dictionary definition and goes all ways … the black man who speaks from his education is judged by his peers as too white, the white man working two jobs to feed his family must lead a privileged life because of his race. The black woman who doesn’t react to a traumatic situation the way others think she should is considered a liar by YouTubers looking for a new conspiracy, regardless of the reality she lives in an increasingly dangerous America. A woman who was born a Fernández is not recognized as Hispanic because she writes and speaks like the English-language writer she always dreamed she would be as an American-raised Cuban. An Ojibwa Indian flute player is not received as a Native American flute player because his eyes are too blue and his skin too light.
What if this Great River on which we’re traveling is simply the Universe; this life falling into a clear, refreshing lagoon, simply a dream full of experiences. Along the way, the River’s path changes, sometimes smooth, other times becoming rapids. God forbid, it swirls into a whirlpool with a vicious undertow or even a steep drop, like Venezuela’s Angel Falls. In the end, we will rejoin our family and realize we are all one. Imagine what we will Know when we splash down together at the end of the long ride.
I hope our actions during this free-fall of our return into The Great River of the All That Is will not make us feel too much guilt.
Oh, the roads I have travelled since the Dragonfly Teacher first entered my life …. He was the jokester, the big brother, the wise uncle and, finally, the all-knowing teacher who led me down a path I didn’t know I was traveling until I was almost at my destination. Yet one of the most precious lessons I learned is one I haven’t felt free to voice to you, dear reader.
I’m ready today.
There is an awakening going on all over the world. Chances are, if you are following this blog, you sense it, too. The thing is, no matter how many of us are awakening, there is still something that keeps people from admitting the biggest Truth.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16 KJV)
Being Christian is not acceptable in this world.
For many years, as a journalist, then as a teacher and the wife of a wonderful man who is agnostic, I kept my faith hidden except from my sons. You see, it is okay to say you believe in ghosts and super heroes, but it is still not acceptable to tell the world you believe in a Creator and His Son and the Most Holy Spirit.
The dragonfly led me to acknowledge and accept the burning drive in my soul to stand up and be counted. And, when the time was right, I was finally able to do as Yeshua (Jesus) told his followers …
“If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” (Matthew 16:24 KJV)
It hasn’t been easy. I have left my hometown and my family. I was fortunate in that my sons were young men, but I will still be judged for leaving them and their father to find myself. I understand that truth and it cuts me deeply whenever I think about it. The only point I must make here is that something in my soul was dying. I was lost. Only my faith in Yeshua and our Heavenly Father kept me from drowning. God knows where my lost soul would have taken me.
I could find no home in a temple built by man. I sought and found God within me. The more I discovered, though, the more separated I felt from those in the physical world around me. The need to uncover the truth within me drove me away from everyone and everything I knew. That’s the way it has to be. The best way (and, for me, the only way) to truly repent the sins that have driven us from God is to separate ourselves from that world that embraced us when we were falling away from the One Source. Once I started finding my Truth, my thirst for more became unquenchable.
Many are as confused as I was, I know. We don’t understand why we’re unhappy. We seek comfort in a bottle or the medicine cabinet or the “boob” tube, among other things, but that comfort is fleeting. We look for something that sparks our soul, not knowing if we’ll recognize it when it slaps us across the face. Now, looking back on the past two years, I have identified that “a-ha” moment that started me on this new road.
At seventeen, I wrote in my diary that one day I would be traveling across the country with a chocolate lab and a camera. That thought hovered in my subconscious for thirty years until a puppy came into my life. Minnah looked like a small chocolate lab puppy and she fit into that knowing from my youth. The fire of recognition sparked as I plotted my travels; it grew into a flame. Now, two years later, I am living that Knowing that I had as a youth, and I’ve never felt more at one with my Creator. The New Age groups I encountered along the way eventually dimmed the fire, so my journey continued alone for a long while until I met my latest teacher, El Juglador, who continues to guide me down the path that called us both. I thank God every day for allowing me such a teacher. I am blessed with continued lessons.
I must admit I had to make some drastic changes and repent in order to feel I was right with God – not because of a supposed Judgment from an overpowering Lord but because. as a “sinner,” I felt unworthy to enter into the presence of the Almighty. Papa Dios, is what I called Him when I was a child, my Eternal Father, in essence.
There’s something in the air
Many are feeling a burning in their soul or a sense of dis-ease with their life. They may look at what I’ve done and consider it too drastic for them. I get that! I can’t expect anyone to do what I’ve done. It took faith and luck and an awful lot of good timing and help from above.
These past two years have taken me on a roller coaster ride like no other. I have changed in ways I could never have imagined. The things that mattered to me before don’t even measure a blip on my radar screen right now. The things that matter to me now did not even exist as possibilities for my reality.
Now that I am living my Truth, I am at peace. I feel protected. He loves me. I’ve never been more sure about it and it has never been as palpable an emotion as it is today. There’s no question. I am loved regardless of whether I follow His will or rebel. Following His path, however, is what feels right to me.
Let me tell you something else, my friends. As children of the eternal Creator, we are all loved. I am not alone. The Love our Creator has for you is deeper and truer than anything you can ever imagine.
The Lord is saddened by the distance that separates us from Him. It is a distance created by man, not by God. He is the Father from the story of the Prodigal Son who welcomes his long-lost son with an embrace. He is neither judgmental nor egalitarian. There is no need for hell nor reincarnation if during this life we accept the fact of His Love and His gift of his only begotten Son, the Christ who leads us Home, but each must follow the Christ Within. Find the Truth that lies hidden in your soul and spark it back into existence.
I’m thinking about a quilt, like a blanket my grandmother knitted for me. Soft pink yarn intertwined with itself, looping one stitch into another until they form one uniform cover that can rest gently on a sleeping baby to keep her warm through the night.
Candy Valle, as many people knew her, was an effervescent being who could light the room when she sat at the piano. Actually, in my memory, she always lit up the room! She was so alive in everything she did. Mima taught me many things through my life. She’s teaching me again, from the other side.
Today, I was meditating on family and friends, the ones who are intricately woven into our lives, whose very existence plays a big part in my own regardless of how we may feel about each other.
What if, I wondered, there was more to this existence? Then I saw that blanket in my mind’s eye.
Mima was always working on something. In the memory of an awed granddaughter, each day, she would stitch a section. When she had to stop for the day, she would carefully put the knitting away to start again the next day.
How does this play a part in my family meditation? Let’s say every being in our lives was linked to us like the days of a blanket. Each day being a different person in our lives. In the end, when the blanket is finished, the daily sections cease being pieces and become a whole – a blanket with which to wrap your granddaughter.
This is how life is to me.
Each person in my life, present or past or future, plays a part in the formation of a mantle that encompasses my existence in this world. If you look closely, every part is not perfect. There are dropped stitches in my life. There are rows that were not binded off as perfectly as my grandmother would have done, but it is my blanket, every knit and purl was the doing of a Creator that has my best interests in mind. The stitched-over mistakes made into this creation were caused by my own refusal to work with His Will.
With this revelation, I understand how much everything I have experienced plays a part in the final work I will use to wrap around myself in the afterlife.
I won’t wait until then to enjoy this work that is the life of Mariolga Fernandez Locklin. I wrap myself in my memories every night. I thank the Lord for the blessings that have become a part of me, because I am grateful for every experience I have ever had. I know every dropped stitch is a gentle reminder of my weaknesses. Every bind-off created to enable the next row to begin with a fresh stitch for the next day.
This mantle of my life looks like it’s going to be beautiful, thanks to every one of the people in my life. I send out my love and gratitude to everyone involved.
“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me,” Luke 9:23
How can anyone in this day and age actually do what Jesus spoke of in Luke? That’s one of the questions I asked myself before I took off on my Vision Quest. Of course, back then, I was not asking the question with Jesus in mind. I was initially going on a journey of self discovery. Although I strongly believed in the stories of the Bible, I had not compared my spiritual journey to anything spoken of in that book. After all, I was speaking to Spirit, something religion judges.
What Jesus was speaking about is our need to completely release our connection to the world that keeps us from the True Knowledge of the self. We must be willing to destroy one part of us to rebuild another.
When I began this Vision Quest in June of 2014, I thought I knew what I was doing. I was following an Inner Knowledge burning in my heart. I knew I had to come to terms with that part of myself before I could go on. I thought I would go back to the life I was escaping, only stronger and wiser.
I returned to Miami stronger and wiser. Unfortunately, my former life is not where my Inner Knowledge was taking me. I knew the answer to my questions would not be in that old life that drove me to search. The Inner Knowing was driving me toward something else, something that I’ve only now been able to identify as “helping Gaia and doing the work of the Creator.”
On this journey, I have been studying.As a kid, I would flock to the fiction section of the library. That’s what I identified with most. I learned from what happened to the heroines in the stories I gravitated toward. Then I started writing my own stories. Looking back now, though, what I was writing were stories that spoke to my own spiritual journey.
What I read now focuses a light on the steps I’ve taken in my life. Yes, I’m reading “Truther” posts and books about spiritual messages and lessons, but I’m also regularly reading the Bible, the Torah, the Nag Hammadi documents, The Book of Enoch, and many other writings about the history of mankind. I’m using this knowledge to grow my own Inner Light.
I’ve been meditating. My meditations lead to me connecting with my Higher Self and, through her, with my Creator. I’m led to review all of my motives and my actions and how they relate to the world around me. I’ve also learned to turn the world upside down (what is up is really down, what is right may actually be wrong) as I formulate a conclusion.
That kind of thinking can blow your mind, but I’m better able now to make decisions after I’ve considered every possibility from the viewpoint of what is important to me. (I can’t imagine thinking upside down and still having to teach raucous teen-agers. That’s actually what was happening my last year as a teacher, but that’s another story.)
I’ve been writing. With all that I’ve been learning, I’ve decided to write about my journey, a kind of memoir. Writing leads to more meditation and more reading, making this memoir more like a bunch of thoughts skipping around on the timeline of my life right now! This NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) project will not be complete for a while.
Essentially, what I’ve been doing on this Vision Quest is changing. A metamorphosis, it seems. This is why this part of the journey is really difficult for anyone. Suddenly, you don’t feel comfortable where you are, things you used to enjoy make you cringe. You look into your spiritual mirror and are flabbergasted by what you did to your spiritual self.
When I took off with my puppy and El Juglador, I was following an Inner Knowing I was unable to identify. I’ve learned to grow stronger in my Inner Knowing. The hardest part for me came down to differentiating between my spiritual quest and my functions as a mother, wife, teacher, daughter, sister, and aunt. That is a painful truth to accept in order to further my own spiritual growth. We have been told, after all, to not be selfish. While many of my family members have accepted this change in me, there remain a couple who don’t agree. Those are the voices that continue to haunt me and will need to be satisfied eventually.
The decision I made will make many question my sanity. This is my testimony. I have chosen to follow the inner knowing I feel comes from Higher Self. I know that I will not be disappointed with the results of my actions, for my Strength is my Faith. Yes, I truly believe I am being guided by a Higher Source to the destiny of my sol, my inner light, my own God Spark.
Some of my friends have told me that they envy what I’m doing. They wish they had the guts to do the same. Please understand, this is my quest, my friends. Don’t take that as a judgment on your journey. Maybe what drives you, what motivates you and makes you happy, is right where you are now, spreading your light and inner knowledge with your family, your friends, your students. Your journey is yours, and not mine to compare.
I encourage you to analyze your own beliefs, actions, and intent to strengthen your faith in the actions you take every day, for if you are following the Truth in your heart, you have nothing to fear.
Much love to you, my friends. I insert a song that’s been haunting me since my youth. I continue on my journey now as your ever faithful, …