Tag Archives: guides

The heart is the key

When you are being led by something in your soul, something that holds no definition in the real world, it will not stop calling out to you until you heed its call. That call feels as if you are being called by a Higher Power; that is because it is the truth. Accept that guidance. Follow your heart. It is the key to that kingdom within you wherein your Truth thrives.

It is difficult to write this; I have not taken to writing my deepest thoughts for a very long time because my focus has been on the physical path onto which I have been guided. At one time, the Dragonfly was my focus, my teacher, my guide. Once I took to the road, my guidance was all around me, in the three ravens that followed my travels, many times guiding my thoughts; it was in the weather that stirred up a storm when I took a wrong turn, then calmed when I turned back onto the correct road; it was in the eagle feathers that were placed in my path at the appropriate time to become another breadcrumb; it was in the interwoven olive trees that gave us shade, their plump fruits hanging off the branches of the female tree; it was in the lone black dragonfly in the desert symbolizing the blessing we had offered for the memory of a child taken too soon by a misguided man; it was in the lone elk standing proud in his being to welcome us to his land; it was in the flowers dotting the desert where they should not have been growing.

Along the way, I bid farewell to a part of me that could no longer serve me, a part of me stuck in an existence weighed heavy by the matrix all around. With heart-wrenching tears, I learned to study that part of myself that could no longer serve me and discard much of it. I recovered the beloved being within me and found my way back onto the path, the path back to the Essence of my Creator.

I recalibrated my energy, and resumed my journey. Then I lost my way. The signs and symbols guiding me became muddled. I still do not understand, but I have a strong faith in my belief that my Guidance is Divine. Still, I trudge through. Maybe I took a wrong turn, maybe the Guidance was misunderstood, maybe the road I was on took a detour because of delayed construction? Still, I trudge through.

Now is not the time to wallow in the mud of “What if.” Now is the time to grow stronger in our faith in the Higher Power that holds us in the palm of His hands. When confusion poppy-along-i-17reigns supreme, the time is ripe for new connections and new realities to take root.

I am like that lone poppy plant flowering along the arid Arizona highway, thriving off the minuscule atoms of water that help my seeds develop and blossom. As my heart reaches out for direction from above, I grow in my individuality, a blossom among thorns. I am strong. I am invincible.

For you, my friends, I write this to encourage your own travels, your own path to the Creator Essence. In my absence, some of you have discovered your own Higher Power direction. Some of you have taken to the path that burns in your soul. I congratulate you. I thank you. I welcome you to this reality into which we have chosen to develop.

Grow strong in that truth that burns in your heart. Take it on a journey within to reveal its essence. Become your own misplaced poppy plant and take root where the wind has dropped you. Please write to me and share your own journey. I would love to hear about what you have been doing to bless the burning fire within your soul.

Much love and Blessing to you,

The Dragonfly’s Student

The light at the end of the tunnel

We are born into forgetfulness. That’s the truth. I’ve been reading the bible, researching on the internet and thinking about God and the Universe and where we go when we die. I used to believe the story some people (the ones who come back from death) tell about a dark, long tunnel with a brilliant light at the end.

But I’ve heard other stories where there is no tunnel. And there are people who report that the tunnel-light is a trap that recycles us into a reincarnation cycle that keeps humans stuck here in order to power-up some hungry alien species.

Geez. Even death is confusing!

That tunnel/reincarnation trap sounds like some sci-fi movie, doesn’t it? Kinda like The Matrix series of movies where humans are plugged in and sleeping in a massive alien factory. The human existence is simply one huge dream.

Throughout my life, in addition to feeling loving beings surrounding me during my most important moments, I have had experiences with beings that seem more nefarious than loving. Sometimes, their guidance seemed benevolent, but their energy made me scared and depressed or just plain hopeless.

As someone who has opened myself up to guidance from a higher source, I’ve recognized that dark energies like to hitchhike, especially with those who don’t recognize them as being dark. I’ve learned to keep those energies at bay by praying for guidance from my one true Source, by smudging with sage or even tobacco smoke, and even by connecting with nature. Here’s a good article about Smudging, http://spiritualityhealth.com/articles/ancient-art-smudging

As a writer, my imagination goes crazy thinking about the many story ideas that spring from this question I’m posing. Are we protected from dark energy in the in-between, before we make it to God?

And as a sci-fi fan, connections made through favorite shows have a tendency to make me wonder.

This clip from Star Trek: Voyager is one example. Capt. Janeway is hovering between life and death. As her crew works to revive her, she is visited by a being who resembles her father who wants her to follow him through the tunnel. Janeway is a resilient bitch! (I love that about her!)

Janeway questions everything, and she doubts that the being is her father. As she wavers between consciousness and unconsciousness, where she becomes aware of her crew trying to save her, she realizes this being is trying to trap her as he’s trapped countless others. She finally tells him to go away and she wakes up with her crew.

I get that it’s easy to get confused when you die, especially if the death comes suddenly. Let’s say your car has just been t-boned by a semi and you have no idea what’s going on. Will you be thinking about your options on the other side? Nah, probably you’ll be confused until someone who looks like your grandmother reaches out for you.

That’s why I’m thinking about that white light at the end of the tunnel.

How will I know? Will I just trust that the light has my best interests in “mind?” We humans live an existence where, if we believe in a higher being like God, we assume He will take us in His arms and carry us to our Eternal Home. I’m reminded of the “visitation” I had one night in 1986. I haven’t told many about this.

I had been depressed, considering suicide, when a friend counseled me and suggested I pray for guidance. I set up my nightstand with my bible, my rosary (I was raised Catholic), my glass of water, a candle, and I prayed. In the middle of the night, I woke as if I was in a jet engine, a loud whirring spinning around my body as if I was floating over my bed. I opened my eyes to a light so brilliant I had to close my eyes. Petrified, I did the only thing that had ever made me feel safe. I prayed. The Lord’s Prayer. Over and over again I prayed for God’s help until something passed through me, pushing away the jet engine, leaving me sweating and catching my breath, my heart pounding relentlessly. My paralysis went away. For decades I’ve kicked myself for being too scared to face the brilliant light, but the message I got from the experience was loud enough.

My God had answered my prayers, telling me He was watching over me. All I need do is ask and allow God to answer.

Just like He’s answering my questions now.

How will I know if the light at the end of the tunnel is Him? I will have to ask. From what I understand, once you’ve made your intention known, the Universe dictates that your wishes must be followed. My wish? To meet the Creator of all.

The tunnel is supposedly a black void where we can decide where to go. Yes, the sci-fi stories make me question the process, but we can’t allow fear to enter the equation. I will not allow fear to follow me into death.

I am reinforcing this vow here and now, dear readers. While I am alive, I will strive to bring Heaven to Earth by following the path the Lord sets out for me. I am His willing instrument.

When I am finally called, I will look for the God I have found within me during my life and I will embrace Him.

That’s how I’ll know God.

I’d love to hear from you, my readers. What do you think will happen when you die?

The Dragonfly’s Student

Learning to work with my shadow

El Ratoncito is what Mom used to call him, that little mouse that eats away at my insides. It’s been years since she identified him, years since I started accessing Spirit and growing in my own right. He’s still around. I don’t recognize him until it’s too late to curb my response, and that response is sometimes more than I can humanly handle.

Does anyone else have this problem?

I survive by watching and feeling. If something feels right, I accept that as communication from my Higher Self or God/Source. But that little mouse sitting somewhere in my soul watches and waits, reacting only when he feels the time is right to reveal a truth I’ve been hiding.

I try to understand, but it’s impossible. I’ve talked it out with my friends, written about it in my journals, even visited counselors, but the little mouse won’t reveal himself until the time is right.

I wonder who he is and what his function could possibly be.

He is my inner truth. I wonder if he represents one of my roommates, those four parts of me that make up the entire human. I’ve written about it before. Freud called them Id, Ego, and Superego. Erik Medhus calls them the four roommates – Mind, Spirit, Body, and Soul. (http://www.channelingerik.com/the-four-roommates/)

The latest Ratoncito incident revealed a disagreement between Spirit and … I guess … Body… or maybe Mind. Geez, I can’t figure it out. Spirit is willing and loving whatever gets thrown in my way. Body steps over and around and has learned to accept and make the best of things. Mind, however… Maybe Ratoncito is Mind.

Then I remember El Juglador’s recent comment: “To be critical, without hope, is cynicism. To be hopeful without cynicism is to be naïve.” And I remember the shadow he spoke of.

Yes. My Ratoncito is part of this thing. It hides within my memories and experiences, connecting them with emotions in order to help me remember. He is my shadow. He is Mind. He is that part of me that I usually try to run from because of the connections that remind me of the pain associated with my experiences.

Most days, my little mouse is locked in his cage, running around aimlessly on his wheel and paying attention to what goes on in my life. I think he’s running aimlessly, but he’s noticing. He knows. And when the time is right, he attacks.

I consider it an attack because I don’t like to feel helpless. I usually put up a wall to protect my heart from pain. That little mouse feels it for me, and sometimes he needs to share.

I guess it’s not bad to remember the emotions. I guess it’s okay to let myself feel the tears and the pain, the shadows of my existence. To do that, to allow the four roommates to share and to be whole, is the goal of our human existence, isn’t it? Shouldn’t we be able to recognize, enjoy, and conquer the duality of this human experience?

I think so.

To begin with, I think I’ll give him a name.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to introduce you to Claude the Mouse. …

Claude the Mouse

The Call From the Heart

Let me preface this by admitting this post is going to be very uncomfortable for me.  But, well, here goes…

“Order up!” The call comes from the kitchen that is my heart. Like an impatient manager, it’s ready to place the answers in front of me now.

I stepped into this life to play a role. We all do, to tell you the truth. In my beliefs, we plot out an existence and we step into the avatar we chose to take us through the game of life. It’s not really the definition my friends in organized religion will accept. I may end up losing some of you. I get that.

The thing is, there’s always been a hole in my life. I’ve been looking for that role I chose to play. I’ve searched high and low, hitting on nibbles that felt right. I would latch onto the answers I thought were mine – I’m a Singer or a Writer or a dutiful Daughter or a Journalist or a Wife and Mother or that rebellious Friend or that Teacher kids could talk to. Yes, I was all of those, and I was satisfied, but that hole in my soul remained.

Many times I would fill that hole with movement –Can’t stop. Can’t relax. Have to write. Have to drive. Have to talk. That action was necessary. Like my new puppy, I couldn’t stop. I needed to move. The movement served to numb me so that I couldn’t spend too much time focusing on whether I was truly happy. I thought I was and that was enough for me. I think the perpetual motion was because I was scared.

Then the dragonfly entered my life. I became obsessed with writing for him. Again, though, I wasn’t filling that hole. The thing is, I didn’t know I was searching to fill the hole. I didn’t accept anything was missing. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t happy, though. I should have been. I have a fulfilling job that sometimes makes me yank my hair out because it’s too limiting; a loving, if at times frustrating family; an outlet for my creative tendencies. Really, anyone would say I’m lucky, and I get that.

But the hole is still there.

This school year, my realities have come together in a massive highway pile-up. It showed. There is no one who knows me personally who can ignore the fact that something has been off with me.

I think the hole is that I haven’t found my true role. If you ask me who I am, I will tell you what I do. That is just my Fictional Self, is what I’m learning now.

As Dr. Phil says, outside of the identity you show the world, “There is another level of existence that is the real, true, genuine substance of who you are. It’s … the authentic self.” (http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/73 )

The authentic self is the you that can be found at your absolute core. It is the part of you not defined by your job, function or role. It is the composite of all your skills, talents and wisdom. It is all of the things that are uniquely yours and need expression, rather than what you believe you are supposed to be and do.


Enter my spiritual search.

I’ve finally found something that excites me and fulfills me, that combines the joys I’ve had over my life and turns them into something special. I’ve found something that makes me feel whole and blessed. This new existence accesses my love of writing and music and acknowledges the voices of my spiritual reality. But this joy doesn’t work well with my other identities.

After years searching for the perfect tattoo to represent my beliefs about myself, a student hit the nail on the head and sketched the answer. It is a bracelet containing an infinity symbol topped by a red rose in bloom (what I’ve always considered myself to be.) The infinity symbol says I am Eternal. The rose says I am Ephemeral.

The third part of the bracelet is the wings of my Guardian Angel of Music. The wings affirm that I am Divine. I am part of that beautiful world where all souls originate.

Together they have become my new mantra: I am Eternal, I am Ephemeral, I am Divine.


So as I embark on this summer’s Vision Quest, I’m searching for the Authentic Me. I’m digging through the layers of the Ogre I have become to find that sweet spot in my core.

I want to get to know the me I originally meant to become. Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier if human bodies were test tube creations until the Spirit was ready.  You know, I imagine myself stepping into Bodies-R-Us and picking out the perfect model with just the right programs that would work to enhance my goals instead of working against them. Maybe, even, there would be a money back guarantee and I could swap out if that body’s programs frazzled on me unexpectedly.

Yeah, that would be wonderful. Except that would mean opting out of all the fun stuff of childhood and high school and college. Those were the best times usually, with a few hard knocks here and there! The thing about living is that everything you experience becomes engraved in the record of your body’s hard drive. When you want to ignore a lesson that is no longer relevant, the needle skips (hopefully) or, God forbid, scratches through the relevant track.  And since being a Walk-In Spirit is not an option for me – I’ve just recently learned that this can and does happen – I’m going to have to work through my own filters to find the authentic me that lives underneath the layers.

I’m going to have to re-record the music of my reality this summer.

My goal is to come out of it knowing who I really am and what I really want to do with my life. Pretty big order, I know, and as the waiter approaches, I sit back and hope I don’t have to throw any part of my dinner away.