Hello, my friends. It has been a long while since I have written to you. There are no excuses for my absence other than the task at hand, and that task has been a little difficult, except for the afternoon I stepped up to a flock of dragonflies in a field.
“Hello, my friend,” I said to the beautiful young creature who alit on my baton. He was not my teacher; just another student in another class.
“Hello,” he said. “Introduce me, please,” he nodded toward El Juglador madly handling his baton.
As my new young friend exchanged greetings with El Juglador, I studied his face, his eyes full of expression, his head nodding between the two of us at the appropriate times.
This moment with the dragonflies was a blessing in the late afternoon of a Florida autumn day. I knew this moment was just for us, though. I wish I could have taken a picture, but my technology has been failing since we left this summer’s adventure in Lake Tahoe. Besides, this experience was just for us.
We have come to Florida to visit my family, but potholes in our adventure have forced an extended stay. I did not want to come back, I am sorry to admit. I am not the same person who left three years ago. I do not find joy anymore in the things that used to occupy my time. I do not care about politics, or football. I no longer listen to rock stars’ albums; TV shows are not interesting and blockbuster movies playing in indoor arenas feel foreign.
I am more focused than ever before on the workings of my Spirit and my Soul. I have been slapped upside the head quite a few times by the shadows that lurk around the corners of my Self, forcing me to come to terms with the new me that longs to find my way out of this existential loop that separated me from my Creator.
My mission is not your mission. My task is not your task. We are all on this plane of existence for our own reasons. We each can understand our own task if only we set out to find it.
I am a woman who feels great love for those around me. That is sometimes my downfall. I would dedicate myself to others, my sons, my now-failed marriage, my students, my family, my friends. Then Spirit led me to tear myself away. The steps I traveled were difficult. Tearing myself away was torturous, but I did.
I have learned that I need to listen to my heart without letting the expectations of others bog my way down. That is still difficult.
I live in my RV,
- “you can’t do that,” said one person;
- “you can’t live in our development,” said the associations where different family members live;
- “why?” ask others, not understanding the freedom I feel.
The judgment of others no longer bothers me; however, judgment coming from those who knew me before my change denigrates my evolutionary journey and sometimes leads me to question myself. They love me and want the best for me, so they demonize and blame others for my transformation. This angers me most.
This is my journey, my decisions, my failures, and my successes. The inability of others to accept how strong I have become only betrays their own lack of understanding.
The truth is, I left my old existence because my soul felt trapped. I started my road trip because something inside of me pulled me to what my soul sought. Three years later, I am no longer spiritually lost.
This mess I’ve created back home in Miami is my own doing. I tore myself out of my life in 2014 because I was weak. I couldn’t talk to my family about that Call burning in my Heart. I couldn’t talk to most of them about how much I want to return to the loving graces of my Creator God, my Beloved Father.
You see, I believe we all have a relationship to mend with Him. They say we live in sin and that separates us from our Father. The Truth I know is that the first sin of humanity was turning from The Father and the Mother Earth (who also goes by many names.)
That sin may have been a turning away or it may have simply been a Forgetting. During the past three and a half years (now more), I have been turning back to the Eternal Parents. To do that, though, I had to tear myself away from my human connections. These connections belong to this human existence, which is temporary, at best.
It sounds heartless. It’s not. This is the most difficult admission I have had to make. Those of you who have my heart in this realm, have had my heart for an eternity of loops. I love you profoundly.
My friends, as 2017 ends, I suggest you follow your Heart. Face and defeat your Shadows. Remain faithful in your quest.
No matter the consequences, I must admit, our Eternal Family will welcome us back Home with loving arms and no judgment, something humanity must learn.
One last thing … while in prayer the other day as I crossed a field, I heard something that gave me pause,
“don’t worry, I got this.”
I will do as He said.
Happy journeys, my friends. May you find the Truth in your own Heart.”
The Dragonfly’s Student