Take a walk in the forest and you will hear her breathe. You will feel her envelop you in her mist, a hug so glorious it gives you a taste of perfection. You will smell the peace of creatures who no longer have fear because they know they are safe in her arms.
I know, though, that most of us do not experience these things. Most of us live in a world where the breathing we hear is the exhaust of passing cars and trucks. Most of what we feel is the stress that is borne of the matrix-like world into which we humans have inserted ourselves. Most of what we smell is our own rancid fear of judgment and the unknown.
We don’t know how to maneuver this world if not by following the road maps set by others who have gone before, by others who believe they know what is right for us – go to college, get a job, buy a house, get a credit card, start a family, dress appropriately, don’t be strange, and don’t ever think outside the box.
What if that doesn’t work for us, though?
I don’t want to be like everyone else. I want to believe there is a greater plan for me. I want to believe my faith is enough to get me through this life successfully.
Then the chains of the matrix, bolted into this matrix we’ve created for ourselves, pull me down to the ground.
The life of faith is not easy, folks. Envy me for the freedom I have given myself, not for the life I have chosen. Believing in a higher power is a lonely life. There is no owner’s manual. There’s no tech support number to reach in order to get the answers.
When you doubt, there is no way to find your way out of the dark except for the light the radiates from inside of yourself.
Don’t worry, friends. I am not having a spiritual crisis. I’m just reminded of the prophets who did, though.
First in my mind and on this list is the Prophet Abraham, the one who was about to kill his son because God asked him to prove his faith. Fortunately, God held his knife-weilding hand back before it plunged into Isaac.
Although I may be considered blasphemous, I contend that even Jesus, himself, had questions. In the Garden of Gethsemane, as the clock wound down to his final conflicts, Jesus questioned himself, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me.” His faith was strong enough to add what he knew was the truth — but thy will be done. He knew that no matter what he wanted, there was no way his own will would be greater than God’s.
Then there’s the Book of Job, the story of the faithful man who is driven to question God because of his own pain and suffering.
“In the end, God answers Job in a whirlwind, reminding him that
humans can never understand how great God is. After Job hears
God speak, he says, “I have heard of thee by the hearing of the
ear, but now mine eye seeth. Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent
in dust and ashes.” Job realized that his trust in God should not
depend on what happens to him. (http://acts38-39.hubpages.com/hub/a-short-summary-of-the-book-of-job)
What’s my point? When you decide to follow your beliefs in an omnipotent being, denying yourself the luxuries available in this world because you truly believe you have a calling to something higher than yourself, you run the risk of running into naysayers who think you are crazy or delusional.
“Seriously,” said naysayer would begin, “God won’t mind if you don’t go to church on Sunday,” or “Aw, come on. God doesn’t really care if you eat pork,” or “My God would never tell a mother to leave her (grown) children to follow a path she thinks leads toward Him.”
Fortunately for me, my faith is still strong, but I know there will come a time when doubt will chip away at the rock that sits at the base of my house of belief.
I hope my faith proves as strong as the faith of those who have been my Spirit guides on this personal journey.
Keep the faith, my friends,
The Dragonfly’s Student