There is no rhyme nor reason to this road trip. I had originally planned to visit Cassadaga, a Spiritualist community, and I had also planned to visit St. Augustine, both in Florida, but my mind blotted those plans out. Suddenly, I needed to visit St. Petersburg on the opposite coast and camp on a beach. As my road trip continued, I grew more at peace with myself and my reality.
Then, four days later, I made a mistake. I answered my phone. Rumors and angst billowed a dark cloud over my head. It threatened like the alligator moving closer to the shore at Big Lagoon State Park in Pensacola. I tried to remove the cloud or at least lighten it. When I couldn’t, I wrote some poems. Angry poems. I threw them away.
Then I drove to New Orleans and watched a folk music performance that lightened my mood.
Today, an old friend in Nashville asked me what I’ve learned so far on this trip. I was speechless at first.
“Um, … “ What have I learned?
I learned I shouldn’t answer the phone because needy people will find you. I learned driving aimlessly is not always fun. I learned that some state parks are closed on Mondays. I learned speed limits are more like guidelines than actual rules. I learned that on a driving day I need to stay in a hotel not try to make it a camping day.
But I’ve also learned that needy friends (like my needy puppy) make me feel important and loved. I learned driving aimlessly forces you to think, and thinking isn’t such a bad thing. I learned that gold mines can be found on your way to closed state parks. And I’ve learned that sometimes, especially on those long driving days, I need the peace of the campground, no matter how tired I am.
As far as my inner journey goes, I’m finding that, although I feel a need to be that lighthouse my friends need, I need to protect the light I want to share. Just like the flame of a torch can burn itself into embers, an unprotected lightbeing can flicker and die as well.
Today I put out some minor fires – my phone had to be replaced and I needed a quiet place to write, so, when my friend offered, I agreed (after apologizing for my random visit.) But I still felt burned out, tired, listless.
Then I stepped into the twilight in her back yard. My Spirit friends had a surprise for me – fireflies.
Their light left me speechless. It felt like the flickers of light were meant just for me. I now feel reenergized.
I can actually feel Beloved standing over my shoulder again. It’s been a long time.
Until the next time, dear friends.
The Dragonfly’s Student
Twilight in Nashville: